Like many other aspects of our modern world, the rules of what to wear to a funeral seem to be more informal with every year. While many dramatized funerals – on television and in the movies – still show attendees universally dressed in fancy black dresses and and three piece suits, the reality today at most funeral homes and cemeteries is quite different. Blue jeans, tennis shoes, and even t-shirts are more likely than not to be seen at any given memorial service today. And, in fact, some families even encourage such attire, printing up t-shirts with memorial photographs and sayings and asking attendees to wear them in comfort to the service.
So the question of what is appropriate funeral attire is largely answered by this, often frustrating phrase: it all depends.
But there is some good news for anyone confused or uncomfortable about the somewhat chaotic state of fashion rules for funerals today: web commentary on the topic does seem to be in strong agreement on several key funeral clothing matters that this article outlines below.
The main point that funeral etiquette experts emphasize is simply this: do not draw attention to oneself. It’s important at a funeral to try to blend in with the crowd. For more guidance on proper behavior and expectations, read Funeral Etiquette. This will require a bit of educated guessing about who else will be in attendance, of course, but that is an important funeral preparation step. If the crowd will likely be comprised of many young people, jeans and a t-shirt will likely be a safe bet to wear. Unless, of course, that’s not your standard fare. In such cases, then, simply business casual will do fine. If the crowd will likely be of many ages, then, well, just about any sort of clothing will be fine. In such cases one should never shy away from the traditional black suit or dress – so long as he or she is reasonably certain that at least a few others will be dressed that way too.
But, all that said, the best way to assure the goal of relative anonymity at a funeral is to simply avoid all bright colors. Dark colors are always the rule. If you’re going to wear tennis shoes, try your best to find ones that are black. And, men, the only way a white shirt is acceptable at a funeral is if it’s mostly covered by a dark coat. (It’s best for men, once seated at a funeral, to avoid any temptation to remove a coat and allow the brightness of a shirt to draw attention away from the service itself.
The other piece of advice that is almost universally shared by funeral etiquette commenters is mostly a matter of common sense: wear something comfortable. You might end up standing or walking for lengths of time, so high heals, jewelry, bags, and other uncomfortable accessories will likely only end up a distraction (for you and your fellow attendees). They are best left at home, not adorned as a major part of your funeral attire.
If after reading these rules of funeral attire, you still find yourself confused or troubled about what to wear to a loved one’s memorial service, the bottom line is this: the service is not about you. Your stylistic goal for the day should be that no one even necessarily notice you were there. In today’s world, you’re probably okay wearing whatever it is you’d like to wear – so long as your funeral attire does not stand out in the crowd. A funeral is, perhaps, the only place where head turning outfits are certainly not the rule of the day.