Grieving the loss of a loved one is an emotionally draining time and, unfortunately, there are a lot of unscrupulous people in the world who will be glad to help you turn the period of grief into a financially draining time as well. It is important to remember that people who work for funeral homes and cemeteries tend to be exceedingly polite, courteous, friendly and compassionate, and that leads many people to come to think of them as friends. But they are not, in fact, truly friends. They, like the waiter who will happily indulge the dieting diabetic in his quest for a piece of chocolate pie after a heavy meal of fried shrimp, lobster and steak, have a vested interest in selling as many of their services and goods as an emotionally devastated family will buy. They sometimes even use a devious tactic that is as tough to counteract as “reverse psychology.”
“Be sure not to emotionally over spend,” a salesman will warn just as he is about to make a sale.
“Of course not. I have the money for this. And besides my mother is worth it,” will almost always come the reply.
In this way, the salesman has taken a trick out of the oldest book. He or she has made the customer believe that, what will ultimately turn out to be a bad decision, is actually the customer’s idea. But we all know, of course, that the customer’s decision making was not as much involved in this process as was the cemetery or funeral home employee’s “superior salesmanship.”
We offer this article as a means to help families who are in the midst of grief over the loss of a beloved family member get precisely the goods and services they desire from those who will be helping to arrange a funeral service and burial, while also avoiding the all-to-common tendency to fall victim to the sales person’s ploy by emotionally overspending. To better understand the typical expenses involved, read How Much Does A Funeral Cost?
Death Care Sales Pitches
As we say, consumer advocates who follow the death care industry tend to stress in many ways the importance of remembering that the people you meet when you go to a funeral home or cemetery to arrange the service for a family member are not necessarily your friend. For best results at protecting your pocket book, it is important to consider that every remark – every bit of information they glean from you in their questions that may seem to be asked out of care and compassion – is aimed at selling. In today’s world, funeral home and cemetery sales efforts are tracked by corporate computers that are accountable to stockholders in large companies that offer themselves to Wall Street investors. Making money is the bottom line for those company’s existence, and shareholders have come to expect the “death care” is about as highly profitable an industry as can be found in the United States economy. So, just as car dealers are known for the behind-the-scenes pressure their managers can place upon sales people (“you better convert every 3rd person who walks into those doors into a sale,” is a common quota order from sales managers), funeral directors and cemetery “family planning” consultants are expected to be equally as aggressive. Only, for man unsuspecting souls in the midst of grief, the aggressiveness of the death care salesman does not seem so predatory.
But predatory it is, many experts warn.Families who have lost a loved one should expect when they enter a cemetery or funeral home’s sales offices to be shown a great number of elaborate products without any mention of price – almost as if price can’t be a consideration when it comes to memorializing your loved one. Though federal law requires that prices be disclosed by funeral home representatives fairly early in a discussion with a potential client, these disclosures often come in the form of a routine sharing of a the federally mandated “General Price List.” This list is often presented in a way as if to suggest that it is merely a matter of formality and law and is not necessarily of importance to the discussion at hand. The funeral director will not say so, of course, but his or her goal is that a client quickly put the price list away and turn his or her attention directly to what the funeral director has to say about the establishment’s offerings. So long as a funeral director can keep a potential client’s attention focused upon the emotions of the moment rather than the overall cost of the service that is being planned, he is doing his job well at encouraging as much emotional spending as possible.
Families should remember, further, that a cemetery sales person is not hindered by federal laws requiring a discussion about price. No general price list is required of a cemetery – even cemeteries that operate under the same corporate umbrella as a funeral home. So these sales people have even less incentive to make price a thorough topic of discussion as the plans proceed for burying or cremating a loved one.
The important thing to remember for families who are working with a cemetery or a funeral home is that the suggestions being made by the company representatives are just that, suggestions. There is no such thing as a “traditional” funeral and burial service, and families should avoid the temptation to feel pressured into buying a particular product or service simply because it is presented as “traditional.” They should also be well aware that most sales people will present families with options that are in the middle of the price range that sales person thinks the family will be considering spending. By assuring that there are plenty of more-expensive alternatives available to show, the sales person will try to whet the family’s curiosity enough that they ask to see the higher-priced alternatives and make the decision to buy those on their own, rather than at the suggestion of the sales person.
Consumer Protections
To help families avoid some of the pitfalls of cleverly disguised sales pitches that are common among funeral home and cemetery sales staff representatives, the United States Congress has established several requirements – aside from the General Price List rule mentioned above – that sales people must follow. Chief among these is that sales personnel are forbidden from making statements about their products that are simply false. They may not, for example, legally try to dissuade a customer from purchasing a product from a competitor by suggesting that the competitor’s product is inferior on its face. Courts have held that, even if a particular funeral home knows of cases in which a competitor’s product has cause problems for customers, repeating those stories to other customers presents a legal liability. Consumer production advocates warn funeral home and cemetery customers that, if they find themselves hearing a sales person “talk trash” about a competitor, it is likely that – even if the stories being relayed can be verified and are true – the sales person is breaking federal law just by telling the story. That a salesman would put his or her ethical and legal reputation at such a risk might be a sign that anyone dealing with him or her should proceed with the greatest bit of caution.
Consumer advocates who follow the death care industry recommend strongly that all families who find themselves in need of funeral home or cemetery services find a trusted friend who is emotionally removed from the deceased and can be of good help in assuring that the family does not fall victim to pressurized sales tactics – even those tactics that are not immediately apparent as such.
Importance of Planning
A final bit of important advice that funeral consumer activists tend to have for those working with death care industry sales people during a time of need is to rely upon plans as much as possible. If a deceased expressed a strong desire for a simple and quick funeral service – perhaps even a direct cremation or direct burial, without any pomp and circumstance of a funeral or memorial service – then families should stick to that, the experts warn. Though it may be tempting to take the suggestions of the salesman or sales woman who has plenty of costly ideas to offer for helping to bring about a healthy grieving process, doing so can be detrimental to a families finances. It is important to remember that sticking to the deceased’s plans for a memorial service is a terrific tribute to his or her legacy – much more meaningful and important than spending too much on emotionally charged products and services that will only be regretted in the coming months when the bills begin to roll in and money has to be found to pay for them. And, finally, experts say, the fact that predatory sales practices are so common in the death care industry is a great reason why families need to spend a lot of time discussing their funeral and burial plans well before the time of need. Though it is often considered an uncomfortable thing to do, such discussions can be important for both the emotional and financial health of any family.
